As you were

Fox is one. I’m back racing and running, but am I back where I started? Of course not. But the feeling I have right now is just of happiness I am happy that my body has created a human, and then recovered from that, and the invasive surgical procedure by which he was born, to be able to continue to follow the pastime which defines me. If you met me in a lift, I would still announce myself as a fellrunner before saying I am a parent. When he grows up, he’ll know that my getting out running in the hills kept me a happy and even-mannered mother.

Fox learning about sand on Anglesey 

I haven’t posted for a few months. Work happened. I returned to full-time work in April. It was a transitional time in Fox’s development, he had just started to sleep better at night and feed mainly on bottled milk. These two facts alone made both working and trying to run so much easier. I was however exhausted for the first month or so, learning to fit everything into the day, dealing with the minor illnesses he picked up at nursery, adapting to the new routine. I also think it was like when you stop work for Christmas, and with no pressure to be ‘on point’ , you flake and get ill. Someone else was caring for my son for 40 hours of the week, and I let go of a lot, and flaked…! After the second month though, I managed to start to feel in control again, and more able to commit to going to club runs, or weekend races. All the time, Fox grew up more and more, becoming more independent and more used to time without me – I did my first night away to attend a meeting in Glasgow, and have since spent a few nights away for work.

So normality crept back, but there is still a lot filling my days and nights. It’s hard to motivate myself to go out and train in the evenings when I’ve been up since 5am. I’ve started trying to fit lunchtime runs in, when I work from home. If Him Indoors has social commitments then I have to stay put. I am however very happy with what I’ve been doing over the last weeks – and I have pushed myself to a couple of Long races. I had decided that this would be my goal this summer, though I had no idea whether I would actually be able to achieve it. I did the Kinder Trog (16 miles, about 1000m ascent) in June, and the Holme Moss race(18 miles, 1315m ascent) this month. Both were tough, both showed me what I am still missing in terms of fitness, but the experience of the races themselves were the same. A lot of it is in the mind.

Physically ..I’m back to my previous weight, I don’t have any niggles other than an ache on the scar from the c-section when I run for a few hours. This does and doesn’t surprise me, and I’m making sure I take rest days off after long stuff. Stopping breastfeeding was a big milestone, more for the mental side of things. It honestly changed the way I see and relate to him and to being away from him, because he’s not going to demand access to me at feeding times or if he feels rough. It feels as though we have a freer way of interacting with each other and it’s great. I’m doing personal training sessions to strengthen myself, hopefully injury-proof myself and maybe even get a bit faster.

Next goals are to race , or just run with friends ,in the Lakes, and then to be part of my club’s team at the FRA relays in October.

I guess this blog will be less of the mummy stuff and more of the running now. As you were.

running with clubmate (and BGR supporter Alice at Holme Moss