The other 90 percent

Inspired by reading a part of Jonny Muir's book "The Mountains are Calling" where he describes the agonising choice between staying at home to care for a sick child, or depart for a race, I am writing this long overdue post.

What happened next, since my last post when I triumphantly declared myself back to racing, happy, working and loving parenthood? Well, more of the same really. End of post, go and have your tea/go to work/ get off the bus.

The point I actually wanted to make, is that for every photo like this

reunion with family after the Trail Marathon Wales - June 16th 2018

There are 5 like this

Sick child on sofa, winter 2017

And for every Jasmin Paris, there are hundreds of running Mums, Dads and carers who make choices every time they lace up their Mudclaws or throw their kit into a boot recently vacated by a buggy, wellies, nappies and small bikes. Or in my case I drive off to Snowdonia with the buggy still in the boot (sorry, Him Indoors!) 

I am lucky to count Jasmin a friend . Her talent is unique, her physical and mental capacity to race to such a high standard even whilst breastfeeding and tending to the usual night-time antics of a child under the age of 1, is a beacon of hope. Her humility and willigness to be open about her experiences is a boost to mums everywhere. But the mid-pack plodders experience will remain the same, and more power to us for sharing our stories and supporting one another in this big family we call fellrunning

So here is a quick, and probably incomplete list , of my racing or near-racing experiences of this years Spring/Summer season

• Doctors Gate (start is 10 mins from home): Raced. Did OK and got a T Shirt for being Old 
• Kinder Downfall: Didn't race due to Storming Cold suffered by Whole Family
• Old County Tops: Didn't Race due to Minipixie having such a high fever 2 nights before, he had a seizure and had to go to hospital. There was no way I was going to a valley with no mobile coverage even if he had started to get better (he didn't!) 
• Lantern Pike Dash (replacement for previous race and is also 10 mins from home): Raced and came second female. Nothing like a bit of disappointed rage to propel you up and down a steep climb rapidly. 
• Trail Marathon Wales (enlisted grandparents as babysitters and formulated family holiday around it) : Raced and did OK
• Friends Paddy Buckley Round attempt, supporting Leg 5: Had scorching day out in Wales and felt as though I had finally paid back into the Rounds Support account after a long hiatus. PS I am available for BGR duties, night time legs preferred as for some reason I am good at nights
• All the Summer Evening Races: No Chance. When both parents work 5 days 9-5 these races are a practical impossibility.  *weeps* 
• Holme Moss AL race Raced. DNF'd due to being generally exhausted and a bit poorly

Take what you want from that, but the theme seems to be 'stay close to home' and if not, plan up to the hilt. Be prepared for DNSs, DNFs and Disappointment. Don't forget to be grateful for every racing day out you get. 

As you were

Fox is one. I’m back racing and running, but am I back where I started? Of course not. But the feeling I have right now is just of happiness I am happy that my body has created a human, and then recovered from that, and the invasive surgical procedure by which he was born, to be able to continue to follow the pastime which defines me. If you met me in a lift, I would still announce myself as a fellrunner before saying I am a parent. When he grows up, he’ll know that my getting out running in the hills kept me a happy and even-mannered mother.

Fox learning about sand on Anglesey 

I haven’t posted for a few months. Work happened. I returned to full-time work in April. It was a transitional time in Fox’s development, he had just started to sleep better at night and feed mainly on bottled milk. These two facts alone made both working and trying to run so much easier. I was however exhausted for the first month or so, learning to fit everything into the day, dealing with the minor illnesses he picked up at nursery, adapting to the new routine. I also think it was like when you stop work for Christmas, and with no pressure to be ‘on point’ , you flake and get ill. Someone else was caring for my son for 40 hours of the week, and I let go of a lot, and flaked…! After the second month though, I managed to start to feel in control again, and more able to commit to going to club runs, or weekend races. All the time, Fox grew up more and more, becoming more independent and more used to time without me – I did my first night away to attend a meeting in Glasgow, and have since spent a few nights away for work.

So normality crept back, but there is still a lot filling my days and nights. It’s hard to motivate myself to go out and train in the evenings when I’ve been up since 5am. I’ve started trying to fit lunchtime runs in, when I work from home. If Him Indoors has social commitments then I have to stay put. I am however very happy with what I’ve been doing over the last weeks – and I have pushed myself to a couple of Long races. I had decided that this would be my goal this summer, though I had no idea whether I would actually be able to achieve it. I did the Kinder Trog (16 miles, about 1000m ascent) in June, and the Holme Moss race(18 miles, 1315m ascent) this month. Both were tough, both showed me what I am still missing in terms of fitness, but the experience of the races themselves were the same. A lot of it is in the mind.

Physically ..I’m back to my previous weight, I don’t have any niggles other than an ache on the scar from the c-section when I run for a few hours. This does and doesn’t surprise me, and I’m making sure I take rest days off after long stuff. Stopping breastfeeding was a big milestone, more for the mental side of things. It honestly changed the way I see and relate to him and to being away from him, because he’s not going to demand access to me at feeding times or if he feels rough. It feels as though we have a freer way of interacting with each other and it’s great. I’m doing personal training sessions to strengthen myself, hopefully injury-proof myself and maybe even get a bit faster.

Next goals are to race , or just run with friends ,in the Lakes, and then to be part of my club’s team at the FRA relays in October.

I guess this blog will be less of the mummy stuff and more of the running now. As you were.

running with clubmate (and BGR supporter Alice at Holme Moss 

The return of the Peatpixie

I haven't posted since before Christmas. This is the first time I've posted in 2017. The last couple of months have been full of change. For me, the feeling that I'm getting somewhere near the runner I used to be. For my son, many new things - crawling, eating proper food three times a day, sleeping better.

December was hard, very hard. I wasn't sleeping enough at all and coupled with the Christmas merry-go-round, a growing boy who needs lots of attention and activity, and my impending return to work, I faded into a bit of a wobbly blur. Some mums will say the first few months of the baby's life were the hardest but I would probably say December was the worst. I've got a handle on myself again now , and I'm actually even looking forward to going back to work a bit.

I started the Christmas season as I meant to go on,  a parkrun on Christmas Eve.  Getting a decent time (heading towards my pre pregnancy arena) spurred me into committing to run at least twice a week once we'd returned home from family visits.

The big break came once we got home and got drastic with the baby's sleep - we sleep trained him and were overjoyed to get him sleeping through the night most nights. It took me a couple of weeks to start to feel normal in myself again, but I plodded out on evenings safe in the knowledge that Fox wouldn't wake up. Towards the end of the month I decided to try a long ish run, and that went well, I felt myself go "into gear" after an hour, and didn't feel absolutely pasted the next day. My scar area still ached a bit, but not so as to worry me.

Colds have done their best to stop me continuing on my path to racing, but they always will at this time of year. The difference that good sleep makes has really hit home. We all know how important sleep and rest are, and take it from me, the last couple of months have really demonstrated that fact . In December,  I'd run 5k and feel exhausted and emotional the following day. In late January,  I'd run 15k and feel ordinary the following day. The only real difference was the sleep, as I hadn't increased the amount I was running in January until near its end.

I've entered a half marathon at the end of this month. I've run up to 11 miles on the flat,  and done a couple of nice hilly runs of more than 90 minutes, so I feel confident I can complete the distance.  It's worth mentioning that at least once a week I go for a couple of hours walk with Fox in the backpack,  I'm hoping that this is contributing to general strength too.

It feels great to be running again, without pain, able to get up to distances which count to me. Having a good run at Glossop parkrun launch week, finishing first female, showed me that the speed is coming back too. The next few months will be about extending my reach to tougher fell runs, more time on my feet, and seeing how going back to work in April affects my ability.  

Advent Blog. Racing to the finish

It's already Christmas day, and I've hardly any time left to tell you all about the person who sparked the idea. I was playing one of my favourite Beach Boys songs to Fox and I realised why I love it so much.
At school, in what we now call year 5, I had a teacher named Sheelagh Williams. She was different from the other teachers, she wore short hair and casual clothes and she played the guitar. I thought she was great. She was a good teacher.
 At the end of the day, she would often gather the class to sit on the mat to sing a song about going home, which she accompanied on her guitar . It was the song "sloop John B" by the Beach Boys

The song makes me feel comforted and happy to this day. I recently learned that Sheelagh had died young. She brought such happiness to me and my classmates, I'm sure she did the same to those close to her, and is missed. Thinking about her, I realised that people had influenced me by their actions, and I thought writing a blog about some of them would be a good idea.
Merry Christmas one and all. May your ships always find safe harbours.

Stay tuned for a Boxing Day Bonus...

Advent Blog December 21st: Viv Slack

Viv has the dubious honour of being the first Twitter person I met in real life. I marched up to her at a race and said "hello you're Viv ". Thankfully,  she was.
I admired her clear sense of adventure,  and her running prowess (very very close to a 3 hour marathon!)  and her commitment to her running goals.
Since them she's gone from strength to strength,  working to help people in need using her many skills. She started a group which was called 'get out and give' where people could take part in outdoors fun and donate to charity. This group has now become "freedom runners". I've joined with them for a few adventures, my absolute favourite being the 3 day run along the West Highland Way last autumn.  she has recently been working hard on a project to help Manchesters homeless.
I think I've written about her before, she's a solemn and thoughtful presence melded into a fun loving,  energetic and strong person. She's made the decision to work mainly on things which really mean something to her, which is very brave,  and very laudable.  The world needs more like her.

Advent Blog 20 December: Sam Yates

I met Sam on the first day of my job at British Council.  I was employed to cover his leave as he went away to Africa.  He went there to spend time working on a project for a charity he had founded with a friend.  That charity is called LivLife.

Since getting to know Sam better, I have been impressed with what he has put into motion with LivLife,  and by the fact that he has managed to do this alongside having a career,  and lately being a father.  He's also completed some pretty gruelling fundraising challenges for LivLife.  He walks it like he talks it, he's been through plenty of ups and downs for his cause,  but he can be satisfied in knowing that what he has created is really changing people's lives for the better.

Footnote: how about this for "small world"after working together for some time, Sam and I discovered that we had a mutual friend. My brother's best school friend met Sam at Uni and is still great mates with him. 

Advent Blog 19 December : Jasmin Paris

I think a lot of people will own up to being inspired by Jasmin this year, given the fantastic set of achievements she has laid down. I am lucky to count her as a friend, and she inspires me for two reasons. First is that she does what she does for the pure joy of it, well we all know that challenges like the big Rounds are not joy joy joy the whole day, but you know. For fun, and because she wants to see what she can achieve, when she pushes herself. I hope I can be like that as I continue to have adventures in the outdoors.
Secondly because she is not just a runner, she is talented in her chosen career, she bakes fabulous cakes, and is pretty handy with a pen and brush. She's humble, supportive to others who run crazy stuff, and really funny.
I am excited to see what other runners will set out to do next year , now she has lit the touch paper, never mind to see what she'll do herself :)