Advent Blog 3rd December: Judy Howells aka @fellrunninbrief

On becoming a fellrunner,  I stumbled upon a twitter feed describing race results and sharing witty tales of the personalities of the sport (and its sister sports, drinking and silliness). @fellrunninbrief became a regular read. It encouraged me to take part in races, it introduced me to some of the leading runners and clubs that I'd later befriend and become familiar with.
Imagine my glee when I discovered the author was a lady. like many sports, female participation in fellrunning is low, about 15 to 20 percent in most races by my reckoning so I was heartened to find its roving reporter and raconteur was Judy, and a bit excited to meet her at my club's race, Herod Farm. Like most fellrunners
she is a throughly decent and friendly person, and loves a bit of a muck about (a hilarious almost-fail vault over a gate if I recall rightly)

She's the one captured mid vault! :) 

She provides this real-time news service for fellrunning for no gain, she's not in it for freebies or to promote anything other than the sport she loves.  people like Judy keep the grassroots participation going and for that I'm very thankful.  

Advent Blog Takeover

For December, I'm going to write on each day until Christmas,  about someone who has inspired me.  I hope you find it interesting. Christmas for me is a time to reflect and be thankful for the great people I know, so this is where the idea for this came from.

1st December : Kay Andrews

Kay was the headteacher of my infant school in Cardiff.  She arrived, replacing the Trunchbullesque previous head, when I was about 6 or 7. She blew in like a breath of fresh spring air. She was fashionable ,  warm and enthusiastic and gave great assemblies.  I was in awe of her talents. I realised that a young woman could have a successful job and still do cool girl stuff too. 

December 2nd : Zola Budd 

Sticking in the schoolgirl era, I watched the 1984 Olympics fanatically. Zola Budd drew me to her because her name began with 'Z' like mine, and she was a slight brunette who was a bit different to the rest. She seemed more natural compared to the painted gazelles from the USA and other teams . I wasn't into running as a kid but I dreamed of being an Olympian.  Even as a child I could see that she had such great ability but was somehow sad and frightened . On the day she fell in that race with Mary Decker, my heart was in my mouth. I was transfixed and devastated. 

Rollercoaster

It's been a month or so of ups and downs. The ups: being able to run for more than 30 minutes, running (gently) up a couple of local hills. I started on roads and more recently went onto trails and this weekend, proper "fell" (well, the Nab). I feel more like my old self, I can tell by how my gait is when I run. It's a good feeling. My son is six months old now. I didn't think it would be this long but the wait has been worth it, and I haven't injured myself getting to this point, I'm really glad of Lynne at Global Therapies help with this. 

On the track up to Turf Pits

The downs: Winter brings colds and bugs, and babies get them all. It's an important part of growing a strong immune system but it knocks onto me, not just that I catch a cold too, but when ill, he sleeps less and consequently so do I. The last two weeks have been particularly bad with him returning to three or more wakings at night, plus struggles to get him to sleep in his cot. Sleep deprivation is no new thing to me but now he's older and more needing of entertaining during the day, it's wiping me out. 

I've had to get over myself on a few assumptions I rashly held about returning to fellrunning. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you need to be firstly quite determined and secondly very flexible to fit in running, and strength training, around looking after a baby. 

The Baby Clock 

Club run on Thursday? Oh yes please. See you there. Oh. This Thursday the baby has decided to drop into a sound sleep at 6pm (which he never usually does) leaving a club runner with boobs like two unripe gala melons. This situation can at least be saved with that most useful of items, a breast pump.

Race on Sunday?  Oh yes please.  This Saturday night the baby has been waking at 00.24, 03.44 and then not sleeping til 06.20 and then awake again at 08.00 at which point this racers head is spinning and body feeling like rubber. No race. 
 
These two examples illustrate how it's  hard to plan and then execute training of any kind . I've been reading Jo Pavey's book and it's a lovely account of her career, of course I am particularity interested in her return to fitness after childbirth. She writes a little about having support from her husband, about fitting in breastfeeding, about running late in the evenings. I haven't made my mind up yet whether to take my metaphorical hat off to her or to be burning with envy that from what I can gather neither she nor her husband have jobs to worry about (someone please correct me if they know otherwise)

Maybe I should have a stern word with myself on those days and evenings where I just feel too drained to go and run, or swim, or even to follow the strengthening exercises which I know will benefit me but just can't. Unfortunately , I feel as if too many times in the choice between train or sleep, sleep has won..On the positive side I have begun to embrace the off-the-cuff run at times of day I wouldn't normally entertain the idea. I need to continue to evolve from the Planner to the Flexible type of runner! 

Physical stuff 

Whilst I have finally recovered from the c section (I can feel muscle!! yay!!), there's no denying that my body is still different from how it was before. Hormones are still kicking about and I am breastfeeding.

 I have to be super vigilant about staying hydrated.  I've got the habit of drinking plenty of water from training for long events, though I've really noticed that though I drink as much as I ever did, I am going to the loo a lot less. It's clearly going to the milk. So if I go for a run then I have to chuck even more water down me, and that's sometimes hard when the baby is wanting to be picked up a lot.

 I ache. With the best will in the world and all the strength training I've done, I still end up carrying him for long whiles in what are perhaps not the optimal positions, or sleeping all cramped because he needs a night in our bed when he is poorly. Other aches are a result of the hormone relaxin which makes your joints a bit more mobile.  I have definitely noticed my hip flexors hurting, and am doing my best to warm them up and stretch them gently. Having said that , sometimes I am so excited about going out to run I just dash out the door! 

Recovery days are so important . I wrote earlier about overdoing it a bit. There is no way I can run, or even go for a decent length walk, two days in a row. I feel as tired after a 40 minute run as I used to after a few hours out in the hills. I'm hoping this will improve as my fitness grows. 

Selfish mum vs sharing training

Being able to have the baby with me whilst I run is lovely for him and for me. It doesn't always work out but it's great to be able to do it, I've met with my running club mum mates and done 'baby hill reps' a few times, great way of sharing the baby-watching duties and getting some quality training in. At weekends Him Indoors can take Fox in the carrier and walk along the start of my route, so that I can meet them on my way back (only works with out and backs but who cares). 

My support team 

On the flipside, I need some time for Me! All runners know the feeling of leaving everything behind once you get out the door and your heart rate going. I always come back home very excited to see my son and tell him where I've been, and it makes me feel more like the person I was before he arrived. This is the person I want him to get to know, and learn good things from. I need to keep her going!

Parent outdoor gear hacks update

Sports bottle: jet wash for getting dog poo off buggy wheels
Towel from triathlon I did years back: changing mat liner
Buff: baby scarf on cold days
Nappy cream: Face cream to keep his face from getting chapped

In the next month or so , I'm hopeful I can do my first race since having Fox, and that I can take the buggy to a parkrun and see how that goes. I'd also like to beat my pregnancy parkrun (at Glossop) time of 23.30ish, I got close a few weeks back and keen to try again. 

Onwards and Upwards

Finally, it's happened to me. 

The pain is subsiding and I'm becoming more able. When I put effort in, or overdo it (rare occurence) the pain I get is a familiar, friendly pain; the ache of a hard session or a cold day's racing, rather than the weird disconnection and bitey twangs of the last few months. 

I've run, non-stop, for more than ten minutes. I've walked up three of my local hills (carrying the weight of an 18 week old child). These things please me. I have however been cautious when asked what my plans are for returning to racing. The burning desire I expected is not there. I miss my friends, my social runs and the weekend expeditions on recces of race routes. I've signed up for the Cross Country league and that will do as a tester. Then I'll see what I feel like doing over the winter months - I imagine it'll be local racing as I will still be breastfeeding, though there are a good few local ones I haven't done due to my enthusiasm for going off on adventures. I look forward to trying them out. 

Outdoors parent hacks

I don't usually use that word ... 'hack'.. to mean ' way of using something other than its intended purpose' . However that is what I've been doing since gaining a small human to bring with me, protect and carry in the outdoors (and indoors too of course!)

Various bits of kit have been pressed into service, and various ideas have been had about what kind of thing should be designed to support parents like myself. Happily, I have met some of those people - the off-road mums on maternity leave, ekeing out the last of the summer days in the hills and woods with our growing cargoes. 

Valerie, Rachel and myself on Cock Hill. Photo by Net Bell

Here's my current list of kit hacks for parents

Dry bag - nappy containment bag. (I use cloth nappies so it's particularly important to ferry the dirty ones home)

Windproof jacket - Windproof wrap for the baby carrier. See photo! Whilst the wee ones are still too young for back carriers, protecting them from the wind whilst in the front carrier is the big challenge whilst out and about. I reckon I've sorted it, sleeves tied around my waist, et voila!

Zoe demonstrates the baby wind shield. Jacket by Mountain Equipment

Sitting mat  - knee protector for changing nappies. This one I use in the house, as we don't use a changing table cos he'll only chuck himself off it one day. After the first few weeks changing him on the floor my knees were proper sore. Out came an old mat my Mum had given me, like a garden kneeling mat, I used to use for sitting on in the tent. No more battered knees, hooray!

Buff - mopping-up cloth/modesty hide for breastfeeding. Need I say more, there are not many things you can't use a Buff for. 

Hi-vis strips/armbands - Buggy visibility. I don't yet run with the buggy but when I do start, I need to be sure the cyclists on the trails don't plough into us, it'd get a bit impolite. 

Blokes waterproof coat : parent and baby dual waterproofing. It goes round me and the baby in the carrier. grand. 

Well that's it for tonight. onwards and upwards :) 

Parenting advice, from me to me

I'm having one of the days of clarity and peace. These are the days I live for. I helped out at the running club's race event, Him Indoors walked over to meet me with the baby so he could be fed, and then the babies and the parents in the room hung out and smiled at one another whilst I made teas and chatted. A balance of the old life and the new . Fox laughed, sang and rolled around on his mat when we got home.

I need to write myself this note, so that on the days where I feel like a groggy, imprisoned dairy heifer I can check myself and make good decisions

The cupboards

We all know about having frozen portion meals ready for baby homecoming day. As time passes and days and nights begin to become more manageable, I'm still getting caught out by a bonk in the afternoon (note, I am not caryring on with the postie..non-sporting folk must understand a bonk is a sugar deficiency symptom..a crash, if you will). Foods which can be quickly prepared and eaten, do not create undue crumbs to drop on the feeding/sleeping infants head and clothes, and are healthy. These foods could be yoghurts, bagels, peanut butter, hummus, olives, cheese (oh so much cheese), and good old stalwart bananas. Always have cake in the house. This is not optional, you never know when cake will be needed. 

Go with the Flow

He's my baby, not Gina Ford's baby or the NCT's baby or the health visitor's baby. I asked Him Indoors, when we were about 6 weeks in, are we doing this parent thing OK? Have we been doing it one of the Ways? And we said..hmm, a bit of everything , a lot of following our instinct and going with the flow.  Mostly I let our little chap show us the way, now that we can mostly understand what he's telling us. We don't have a Bedtime or a Nap Time. Nap Time is when he acts sleepy during the day and Bedtime is when he acts sleepy after 7pm. When we have Something On (a party, a journey to make, shopping to do) then we impose our will on him, whilst being ready to change the plans if he's got a mad craving for milk or has shat a mustard coloured Rorschach picture the size of a man's face. 

By the same standards I don't spend all day finding new toys or books for him to peruse, nor do I attend the mid-boggling calendar of baby-improving events in the locality. He is left to lie singing at his best friend (the light fitting in the lounge) or chewing his fist and a handful of muslin, when that pleases him. Or he's hugged, bounced and shown the mirror and the windows, and anything which stops him from whingeing, fist in drooly little mouth.

The housekeeping standards

You want to do something? Change a lightbulb? Put a shelf up in the nursery? Take out the bins? You will need approximately three times as much time to do it and you need to plan it the same way you'd usually plan a trip to your aunt's in Doncaster, or the transfer of a large piece of dangerous machinery across town. Understand this, and accept that the house is never going to look the same, even when guests come. Especially when guests come, because now your guests will include the little vandalisers of the house beautiful. 

Leaving the House

Parents go on about this at length 'we're late because Kids' . Going out needs even more planning than the domestic chores mentioned in the previous paragraph. I've even considered a burn-down chart, or a Gantt, if waterfall is your thing (sorry, Project Manager joke lolz). I actually enjoy the challenge of an escape, and even sometimes wing it without nappies or wipes (i KNOW! imagine it!) Otherwise the Change Kit is adhered to the same way I used to be able to pack a race bag at 4am, in a one-man tent, one-handed whilst vaselining my ankles. 

Embrace and Understand Risk

Danger is now real. Sharp corners, hot foodstuffs, yappy dogs, fumes from household cleaning products. A midwife said to me whilst we were in hospital 'that's it now, you're on the worry train for life' - thanks love. She was right, but as elsewhere blogged, it's the real risks you need to take care of, be sensible. For example , I suddenly checked myself when about to lift my little hand weights near to Fox's chair. He loves watching me move about in a dancelike way, but the pretty pink shapes he stared at could be his end. Every move I make at night whilst tired is with more care, feet placed squarely on the floor, eyes carefully scanning. A silly aside is that spiders are no longer tolerated in the house when the baby is nearby - I reckon humans are hardwired to be shocked by their weird machine-like scuttling, so our fly-eating friends are hoovered in to eternity escorted off the premises firmly.

Always be thankful

And smile, and know you're not alone. 

Slight return

The light is dim. It is a warm night and the baby's arms are thrown up above his head in repose. In the opposite corner of the room ,  a woman carries out a series of actions ; two small pink dumb bells are pressed into the air and down; she squats, she lunges.

It's been slow, and I'm still not there. Where is "there"? It's being able to run again. I knew there would be a break but I didn't guess it'd be this long. The healing of the c-section scar is dictating things, and it's going slowly. I started strength training again a month or so ago, and a couple of weeks ago started to try some jogging reps. I was rewarded with an aching midsection. 12 weeks after the birth. I thought by this point I'd be able to run for 15 or 20 minutes at an easy pace. No chance. I'm fighting the urge to be angry and tucking disappointment away . I've got a bonny, healthy kid, who's learning to sleep well at night and charm my friends and family with his smile. But he needs his mum to be a happy lady, and until I'm fit again there will be a bit missing. So I do my best to fit in exercises around the pattern of his needs, and I walk up hills carrying his ever increasing weight in a sling, and I tell myself this will help.

I know what you're thinking: come on, you have taken a course of action which requires sacrifice, the child's needs come before yours. Of course, don't get me wrong. I love being a parent, I love his giddy smiles and the happy dance he does when he sees something new, or a favourite toy within reach, or his reflection. I love watching him grow and change day on day, learning from his father and I. All I am asking is that for a few hours each week I'm able to partake in the simple pleasure of hill running whilst my son spends time with his Dad.

Today I jog/walked one lap of my local Parkrun. (about 13 minutes for one lap of approx 1 mile in case you are wondering) Parkrun was a saviour for me during pregnancy and is continuing to lift my spirits and make me feel part of the running world whilst I am on a break from 'proper' running and racing. Any agency who doesn't appreciate that Parkrun isn't just a load of people running in circles in their park on Saturday mornings needs to look further and think what volunteering and just being together with the community can do for so many people, not just the participants.

Being thankful

In this strange new state I live in, the state of motherhood,  specifically the mother of a newborn. I look for things from my old ways to make me feel comforted.

I'm thankful my body knows how to build muscle. My midsection was rudely torn apart so that Fox could live, and my body has worked to rebuild it. I've noticed a huge appetite and I've followed its demands, hopeful that it is all a part of my recovery. It's difficult being a new mum when you can't use your middle, never mind difficult thinking about running again.

I'm thankful I am a napper. Sleep now happens in snatched shifts of three or four hours. Five weeks in amd I've only had a couple of late night meltdowns (actually hallucinated)

 Thankful I own a warm sleeping bag and I'm used to hunkering down on the ground. Some nights Fox gets very noisy and we decamp to the spare room to avoid disturbing his dad. We camp out, he in his travel bed which is like a little tent, me beside him in my trusty lamina 20

I'm thankful I know the difference between an ache and a pain and I can tolerate discomfort.  Breast feeding, long periods carrying a grizzly Fox and trying to feed, tidy and read one handed all take a physical toll. I'm also thankful I know a bit about stretching and maintaining my tired body,  which is in no small part down to Lynne from Global Therapies help and advice

I'm thankful I live minutes from open fields and views of hills. Now I'm strong enough to walk with Fox in a sling we get to feel the breeze and hear birdsong,  and smell the summer. Best restorative after a muggy night feeding and pooing/dealing with poo.

I'm thankful for my friends and my family who understand that it's not plain sailing every day. Even a ten minute house call or phone chat make me feel more human again. Bigger favours like lifts and loans of equipment have immeasurable value.